Lately, everybody’s been watching me, like my every move, waiting for me to speak, to say something about her, but the thing is, I’m just not ready. I’m not ready to talk about her. Even walking past her pictures makes my mood change. When someone says the word mom or mommy or dead, my heart clenches. I’ve become more of a different person is how you could put it. I’m just not the same. Yeah, I laugh & carry on with my life, but there isn’t a minute she isn’t on my mind. I haven’t called the word mommy in so long. I’m never going to get use to this, to her just not being here. It just kills me. I hate it when someone tries to comfort me by saying nice things about her when in reality, you barely even talked to her. You have no reason to come here & make me feel like you loved her because of show. Buying me things makes me feel like a charity case, I feel pathetic. I know it took me a while, but I now understand what my grandmothers going through, having to spend mothers day without my mom was so hard. Nothing will ever be as hard as that day I woke up to just knowing my moms dead, carrying her funeral clothes to the hospital, where I saw her laying there dead. It isn’t fair. It just isn’t fair.
